Tag Archives: parenthood

Infertility: The Healthy Fertile Man

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The world as we know it can be hard. There are worse bad hands to be dealt in life than infertility but when you want a child it is all you can think about. Infertility is one of those things that is almost a sick prank that life pulls on you. I am a man but I know that many women think of having their own children often. The truth is men do too. I can’t wait to take my kid to a baseball game. I can’t wait until the first time a guy shows up at my door to ask out my daughter and I give him the “stare down and talk”. I can’t wait to teach them to ride a bike, to…….wait I suffer from infertility? What if you do not suffer from infertility directly but your wife does? What if you are a studly baby making machine just waiting for your wife to produce the child you were blessed to be able to biologically produce but she cannot? What do you do?

You marry to be in love. You marry to have the support system to get you through all of life’s ups and downs. I have never once heard in marriage vows the part that says she will knock out a kid when directed to do so and if she can’t then she gets sent to the farm and the groom can move on. After all a bull has needs right? HORSEHIT!!! A man is defined by how he behaves when the chips are down. It is easy to be the “I pick things up and put them down guy” but it takes true testicular fortitude to love for better or worse. If a man wants to be a father and the love of his life may not be able to make this happen he needs to then show her why she married him. He needs to go out of his way to redirect their life. He needs to talk about options. He should make her know that this is simply a little bump and all they have to do is slow down and get over it together. If adoption is not the answer he should help to cultivate a life for them where they can hand in hand find other interests that they can share and make memories from. Maybe they do not have kids but they can travel the world or become more involved in church or other community activities. He should not let infertility be a stop sign in their life.

If his wife needs medical help for the possibility of childbirth then he needs to become a brick wall. When she is feeling beaten he should hold her up and never let her fall to her knees. He needs to remind her that she is not the first to walk this path and many have had children with persistence and medical help. He needs to arm himself with knowledge from the countless appointments she will go to. Let me clarify that last statement ….the countless appointments “THEY” will go to.The hardest thing I had to do when we went down our infertility road was from time to time be quiet and just let her let it out. I had a few times I had to walk away and let her have a moment but I always returned with a kiss and a gentle touch (for the record we were both contributors to our infertility). I can still remember my wife telling me I should find a woman who I deserved. A woman who could just knock that child out. Men can you imagine the emotion a woman must be carrying to make a statement like that? She loved me so much that she was willing to give up her own happiness so I could wander in another field for offspring. That was the hardest statement I ever heard. You need to know that it could be you boys. It could be you have no ammunition in the pea shooter. Would you want her to leave? Can you imagine how emasculated would feel if you could not produce what was needed to have a child? Would it be fair if she left?  Be the man she married. Be a man! Be the man!

Please share this post. Challenge men to be men if they are not. I love you all and I wish you the best on a journey that takes a lot out of you but is well worth it when you find what you are looking for.

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INFERTILITY: THE SEASON OF HOPE

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We have a six-year-old child. Her name is Emma. That is not how most infertility entries start but sometimes it is fun to work a story from its end to its beginning. You ever seen a movie like that? Quentin Tarantino is the master of that. You know the end so how interesting could the events that led up to the conclusion hold my attention? HOPEfully this story will.

Rewind nearly five years before the birth of our child and my wife and I were about to have the ride of our life. We were at the beginning of an endless series of doctors’ appointments, needles, and a ton of pain. The infertile community will understand when I write how frustrating it can be listening to a friend innocently discussing how they are pregnant. It is even more confounding when they tell you how annoying the pregnancy is or how uncomfortable it is or how their spouse won’t touch them while they sport a baby bump. All I want to say is, “Bitch my wife just finished crying for a week and a half because we miscarried. Now she hates herself and there is nothing I can do to console her because in her head it is her fault and she is less of a woman. She thinks I should move on to another woman who can give me a child. She couldn’t be more wrong but I will never get her to understand that…” but instead I respond with, “Oh that’s stinks but it will be worth it in a few months”. You are supersensitive and self-destructive if you are a woman (in many cases) and emasculated as a man (in many cases) during infertility. I am a man but not a macho man. I am not the guy that will fight at the drop of a dime. Even though I was a cop I had few physical confrontations of note in the first 45 years of my life but I will defend my wife until I have not a breath to give. It is so hard to see your wife hurt and there is nothing you can do. The assailant is invisible and you can’t make them stop. Infertility is an invisible bully and it attacks you physically, emotionally, on the news, on your favorite sitcom, social media, at work, from your family, and so many other directions. Infertility is a hurricane that pounds you until it passes over you because you throw in the towel or you beat it.

The strength it takes to stand up to a bully is palpable. Infertility is no different. Families that take on this task and it is a task go through things that very few people will understand. Some will feel like they are on an island and the population is one. It is a difficult thing to explain because the emotions hit you when you least expect it and sometimes you do not feel yourself. I mean honestly who in their right mind is pissed at their cat for being pregnant and thinks the feline is flaunting it?…..an infertile person may feel that way. It takes a special soul and couple to step into the darkness of this unknown menagerie of appointments and scrutiny and get each other through it. If you cannot be an organized person that keeps doctors visits, medication schedule’s, and many other inflexible things straight you best find someone to help you stay on point. You have to be honest with yourself and do all you can from time to time to set your pride aside and ask for help from your spouse, friend, or other family member as needed. You will also need to “LET IT GO” from time to time and vent, cry, and maybe scream…..just don’t do it in line at the Wawa buying your coffee!!! Enough with the bad.

This entry is about HOPE. HOPE comes from many places. HOPE can be faith in God. HOPE can be faith in family and friends. HOPE can be faith in yourself and knowing that you will not be denied a child until all things have been tried, all calls have been made, second opinions have been heard, all angles have been viewed, all medicines that are safe to you have been tried, all voices are heard, all money you can afford has been exhausted, all support groups have been visited, all…well you get the picture. My HOPE came from my wife. She does not believe it but there is none stronger than her. There is none more determined than her. We ran the infertility gamut. We had miscarriages, a million doctor appointments, IVF, IUI, pokes, prods, a crap load of judgment, tears upon tears, and the list goes on. My wife sat in the floor of her pharmacy, in tears once, as she miscarried and there was nothing anyone could do. She even gave up once. I was relieved because I could not bear to see her in such pain but a few months later she decided that she and we were not done. She decided that that giving up was not the end she wanted. Reluctantly on my behalf we moved on. We went through another IVF. Every number that could go wrong went wrong. We only had two eggs to implant and they had poor grades. Two eggs but we had HOPE. In our case it was not faith in God it was just a good old fashioned Hail Mary hoping to reach the end zone where life as parents began. For us it was HOPE that luck will change. We became pregnant. We had no time to celebrate because only a week or two in my showed signs of a miscarry. We went to the fertility clinic and would not even look at each other. The nurse did an ultrasound and told us she had a heartbeat. It was the first time we heard the heartbeat of our child. There was a sub-chorionic bleed. My wife would be on bed rest for nearly eight months. She never complained. At one point she did not come down stairs for a couple of weeks. She would not lose hope. She would not quit. This thing was happening. We eventually picked up the nerve to get stuff for the babies room. The clerk at the store actually berated my wife for waiting so long. The woman needed a smack on the mouth but we walked away. Even after the pregnancy progressed there was judgment. Some of the other people she knew said they would have worked through it because “what’s going to happen is going to happen!!!”. These are insensitive jerks. She never lost hope. Even on the day our child was born we would have not been surprised that something would go wrong. On October 20, 2008 nothing notable went wrong.

HOPE got us through. Faith in each other was the fuel that allowed my wife, in the terms of one of her favorite movie “A Knights Tale” to tell the bully infertility that “You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. In what world could you possibly beat me?”. I beg you to not give up HOPE. I ask that you hold your partner tight. Tell your partner everything in your heart and ask the same from them. Keep the conversation up as you beat this bully down. Even if the battle cannot be won you may have strengthened the bond with whoever you chose to spend your life with to the point that in no possible world could anyone break you emotionally. My wife and I understand and even after what seems an eternity ago I still feel the heat of the HOPE that she kept alive.

 

 

My Name is Andy Thornhill. I will always remember what happened that made my life feel closure. I wrote a book titled, “The Longest Love Letter” and it tells our families story. I have very good reason why I will never forget. Yes I saw the miracle of my daughters birth but what was nearly as impressive was the stength I saw in the woman I am lucky enough to call my wife. “The Longest Love Letter is available for the Kindle and Nook. Best of luck with your journey. 

What If Your Partner Leaves You On The Field

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Pat Benatar sang that “Love Is A Battlefield”. I wonder if she meant that love was a battlefield because of the wars you will have with the one you love or if she meant something a little deeper. I like to think that love is a battlefield because any person or problem that faces the one I love and I will be left gasping for its last breath on the battlefield where, as a unit, we will defeat them. Today I read a passage on the Resolve Facebook feed that infuriated me. Generally I do not spend much time reading feeds. My wife could post on her page that we won the lottery and she cannot wait for me to get home and I would not see it unless she tagged me to it or it happened to be on top of the news feed. Sometimes I do scroll through the feeds looking for something to make me smile or maybe a random update from someone on my friends list. Today I ran across a comment from someone I do not know whose story was posted directly by Resolve. The post (and I am greatly paraphrasing) told us about a woman who had tried to have a baby with her husband for a couple of years through medically assisted fertility treatments. She received the news that everyone in the infertile community clamors for “you’re pregnant”. This should be where the good stuff happens but evidently not. Her husband was leaving her for someone else. My brain explodes in anger (for the husband) at the same time my heart broke for the lady in the Resolve feed.

For those who have not read my blog before or may not know me please let me give you my résumé on this subject. I am married for the second time after a bad first marriage. I met my present wife well after my divorce. My present and last wife and I have had plenty to deal with as a couple. We have dealt with nothing that many other couples have not faced and nothing that is worse than the next couple. We have not dealt infidelity and by the grace of whatever we may believe in I doubt we ever will. I should say I know we never will but if the Bachelors Juan Pablo popped up I am in trouble. We have dealt with infertility, loss of baby, and finally successful IVF. I am also a man. I am not the tough guy macho man. I am sensitive but I have my limits too. I have been cheated on but have not cheated. I will not pretend that I will not take a second to notice a pretty girl in a room but I fully expect my wife to notice a man and we have discussed attractive people on both sides often. There is a line to noticing politely and being the creepy person in the corner. Now let my diatribe begin.

When you fall in love and marry it is not disposable. Marriage is sacred and not because of faith-based reasons. Marriage is sacred because it is a promise. You promise yourself, the one you love, your friends, and both of your families that come hell or high water we will get through life together. Nothing that man or life can throw at us will tear us apart. If you fold under pressure and leave your partner on loves battlefield you are not a man. You are not human and quite frankly if you fold because “you can’t take it” then every woman who sees you from the day you fold on should also get an e-mail that says, “While he may be handsome he will leave you when times are hard. Before taking a date with this man share this information with everyone in your inner circle so the one that you are most likely to listen to in life will tell you to not even give him the time of day”. I am a realist. I do think that sometimes what was shiny and brilliant sometimes loses its luster. Sometimes things do not work out but before you throw in the towel did you try every avenue to be sure it isn’t just a relationship bump?

Infertility will try even the strongest of couples. I still remember my wife telling me at one point that she would not blame me for seeking out another woman who could give me a child when we went through our journey. To this day I cannot believe that statement but I understand that her love for me and the disappointment she felt in herself because of our struggles to conceive made her feel that way. The truth is we both contributed to our infertility but moreover we both were in the struggle. I have read many women make the same statement my wife did to me but I don’t think I have ever heard a man say it. There is no greater love than the love where one will sacrifice anything for another but that does not mean you take the “get out of infertility jail pass”. When a couple tackles infertility it will shake them but a good man will see past the tears, the loss, the insecurities and find a way to bring relief to the woman they love. The relief is often no more than just saying I love you, kissing them, holding their hands and saying nothing. Let’s face it, when it comes to the bumps in the road infertility brings sometimes the best support is just making sure they know you are there. If a man falls out of love during the infertility process he is weak and is only looking to escape what he is not man enough to face up to.  He is selfish because he cannot keep a promise and went down a path with you he probably knew in his heart of hearts he could not handle and when he found a woman who would support his weakness he left. It takes a strong couple to handle marriage much less infertility and my heart breaks for this woman because I am sure she felt they were this strong couple but it seems the strong one was her. So what does she do? She is pregnant and her other half has left. I suggest that your other half is the child you carry. You may still have a tough road ahead. For infertile couples the battle is not won when you are told you are pregnant because too many couples still have problems carrying the infant to birth. My wife had nearly eight months of bed rest and could only get out of bed to use the bathroom at several points in the pregnancy. Notice I said “couples” have problem getting the infant to full term. It will be hard but do all you can to focus on yourself and your child. Even if he thinks he made a mistake later you do not need extra pressure added by him. If he bailed on this be would bail on something else. Build up a fortress of support from friends and family. Try to not get caught up in the hideousness of his act and know that you have a blessing to care for. I truly wish you the best.

Love is all that matters. When you get married is it not for love? The same can be said for couples trying to have a child. Having a child should be about love. I am not making light of the families that are fortunate enough to build families without infertility issues but the couples that have children after infertility battles have a different view. We do not love our children more than couples that had children without issue but there is an extra glow to it and in some cases a maybe a bit more appreciation. I truly and fully intend no insult with this. It’s not more appreciation for the child as much as it is more appreciation for conceiving successfully. Not every couple is the same and every word of my above diatribe is simply opinion but love must come first.

When you enter into medically assisted processes to have a child it is very important to be supportive. Even if everything seems okay it is not a bad idea from time to time to ask your partner how they are feeling. Let them know if you feel less of a man or woman. Let them know that it bothers you when friends and family ask:

“When are you going to have a child?”

“At least you get to have a ton of sex?”

“Mary is pregnant. Todd and Amy are pregnant. The dog’s pregnant”

“I want you to come to my baby shower.”

“Just relax it will happen.”

“It’s Gods will.”

“If you need help I’ll volunteer to take Teds place.”

The more you share then the less likely a buried emotion fester into an argument that could have been avoided. I do not for a moment say any of these things happened to the muse of this blog but they are just things that help.  I learned from my wife that women are the strongest of creatures and in many ways stronger than men but even the strongest of us have insecurities. I wish you all the best. I hope you all get what you are looking for in your journey and most of all love each other.

Love is a battlefield. The best way to win a battle is a solid yet flexible plan, communication and trust.

Infertility: What Is There To Be Thankful For?

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Maybe it is a pipe dream to think that when you are having the fight of your life that it could be easy to find things to be thankful for during the holidays. Halloween has passed and you may have went to the movies with your spouse to avoid seeing happy families traipse their children through your door step for candy as you long for the thing they may be taking for granted, having a child. We are now entering the holiday before the “Big One”. You know in the back of your mind you will be bombarded with your own childhood memories during the lead in to Christmas. These memories may be hurtful because you want to afford the same memories your child. You can’t go to the mall because everyone has a child seeing Santa. It is hard. It is easy to be self-destructive and hurt during this time of the year but you are stronger than that.

The simple fact that you are willing to take on the challenge of battling infertility is proof alone that you are the strong and determined type. You can get through these days AND you can find things to be thankful for that revolve around infertility. The large majority of people going through infertility woes are doing it with a significant other, same-sex or otherwise. You found someone in your life that loves you for you. They tolerate your annoying habits just like you tolerate their annoying habits. Your spouse is supportive of the challenges you face. That someone loves you and wants the same things you want, hurts for the same dreams you do,  and holds your hand when words are useless is an enormous gift. We are all lucky to find someone who loves us but love is truly tested when infertility enters the picture. If you have that special person in your life you are so very blessed with good fortune.

Science is another great thing to find thanks in. Our fertility doctor always fascinated me. She use to have a yearly event where she brought together all the families she had a hand in creating. When we went to the event I was stunned at the hundreds upon hundreds of people and children that were present. Can you imagine having a hand in making people’s dreams come true and assisting in bring forth lives that may have never existed without your help? I refuse to believe that a person becomes a fertility doctor solely for the goal of making money. There has to be a passion for this kind of practice. The science itself is a blessing and the good people who treat you are an even larger thing to be thankful for. My wife and I were talking today about a difficult cycle where the doctor could only recover two eggs even thought there were dozens available. The doctor knew my wife would be crushed and changed her schedule to give us much-needed one on one time to deal with the bad luck we had just saw up close and personal. The doctor made a difference and it just happened to be that it was that cycle that produced our only doctor.

Friends that support you cannot be forgotten in this Thankful Holiday Time. Your Thelma and Louise friend that will punch a man in the mouth for you without giving it a thought is one of your greatest assets. The friend that sees you hurting and takes you out for a glass of wine or lunch and doesn’t pretend to understand your ordeal but makes you feel like it will all be okay is a goldmine of Thankfulness.

I beg you to not give up. I beg you to not let the holidays break you down. Try to see the good and use that to get you through the journey you are on. I beg you to love yourself and not let the process make you question yourself in any way. Anything worth having is worth fighting for and that is exactly what you are doing, fighting for your dream. You are what I am thankful for. I may not know those who read my rants but I have an understanding of what you are going through. My wife is my hero and made me understand exactly what it means to fight. She showed me that a woman is a force that cannot be reckoned with. Embrace your battle and use the pain against it. Use the doubt against it. You are going to have weak moments but you my dear friend are not weak. I love you all. I hope you find what you need. I hope you enjoy your holiday and most importantly I cannot wait for you to kick the stuffing out of infertility.

A Conversation

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myheart

I cannot wait to hold your hand

The world will be wide open for you

Life will be what you make it

I will open every path I can for you to realize your dreams

Your Daddy is your biggest fan and life’s guide

We will talk when you have your heartbreaks

When you fall short of your goals

But I will stand you up to tackle those goals again

and conquer them

Nothing can stop you

But wait you never made it here

I will not see these things

SIGH!!!!

You may have never walked on this Earth

I may have never held your hand

The day you left me I was lost

But the thought of you

Makes me stronger every day

You make me want to keep fighting

Your invisible presence carries the weight of a million suns

You guide me to where I need to be

If I do get to hold a child’s hand

I will know you helped me get there

Thank you my child

I may have been helpless to save you

But you have saved me

What Was and Could Have Been

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The Football Game To Heal

The Football Game To Heal

I have never written about my feelings when my wife and I lost our babies. I tend to be the typical man who likes to share a little of himself but mostly of his innate male wish to push back his pain to absorb the pain of the love of his life, his wife. There were two occasions for us that we know of. Some of you may question the part where I say that “we know of” but we later found out that chemical pregnancy loss is common and we feel that may have happened as well. I really don’t want to know the truth.

The first one was before we took on the infertility war. My wife had always swore that she would never tell me she was pregnant over the phone but she did anyways. I was over the top excited. I called my dad at work and I never call my dad on his cell much less at work. I told my dad he was about to be a grandfather. I called my boss too. Now allow me to rewind myself a tic or two. A months earlier I was working for another man. He came to me to tell me he was about to be a father again. A couple of days later I saw his wife and congratulated her. She looked at me like I had kicked her dog and walked away. My boss came back a few hours later and said she was upset with him because he shared the news too early. I found that preposterous and talked to my wife about it and she agreed with my bosses wife that people do not always share early just in case something goes wrong. I still did not agree with my wife. Flash forward to the beginning of this paragraph. One week later we lost our pregnancy. I was stunned. We had been coaching baseball at the time and I had to meet the parents at the field to tell them that practice was cancelled. One of the mothers could tell something was wrong and I shared with her what was happening. She shared a similar story. When the lot was cleared I sat in my car and cried. It was an all out let it go sobbing. I went back home and asked my neighbor to take me to get my wife’s car. The loss occurred while my wife was at work.  We went to my wife’s doctor and she coldly told us that “lightning strikes”. So lightning struck my wife and we lost a child? I was hollow. I felt numb because I had been in a million bad spots in my life. I was a police officer and had dealt with an incalculable amount of issues but this time I was lost. I can look you in the eyes and give you great advice to get through a dark spot but this was too close to home and I felt helpless. That weekend we stayed in the house and watched an Americas Next Top Model Marathon for a day and a half. We decided we need something to look forward to and I bought my wife tickets to a Steelers and Redskins game (she is a Steelers fan).  We changed doctors and began our infertility story. I also learned that when your wife says don’t share until she is ready…..listen!!!

The second one destroyed me. We had been on the infertility journey for a while when we got news we were pregnant. I felt stupid. For years I had always thought that making someone pregnant was a God-given right. Lay down and nine months later you are there. We had tried with infertility help for a while to get pregnant. I remember asking myself what had I done wrong to not be able to fulfill my role as a man. I felt emasculated. I prided myself on being there and taking care of my wife and dammit I was not doing it. I had given up and was only hoping and waiting for my wife to say the same thing. Thank God my wife is stronger than I and did not give up. In October of 2008 our daughter was born as a result of an IVF. Had my wife not been persistent it would have never happened.

I did not think too much of the lost babies until recently. We hear noises in the house at night and I told my wife she was crazy for thinking it was the babies until one night I saw a child walking in our home. I still do not know what to make of it and have not seen it since then but I found calm after seeing it. We met psychic Sylvia Brown years ago in Las Vegas before the birth of our daughter. She told us one of the children was with a family member, my wife’s grandmother passed a couple of days after we lost the baby. I am not telling you that our lost babies became ghosts and sometimes I believe our minds deduce what they need to make sense of life’s strange situations. I do think that we all find ways to cope with loss and if my wife lost me I would want her to move on no matter what she had to believe to get through it. Every child is a gift even the ones you never get to hold. A child gives you hope for the future. A child fuels your need to do good and live a life that has new meaning.  To lose one is like losing hope but there is another side to consider. As hard as it is to lose a child have you ever considered that if the child would want you to move on when you could? The child knows you love them and when you love someone you do not want to be the thing that makes them not want to grow and move on. I believe a lost child could feel the same way. It does not take away the loss but it could give you reason to move on and maybe realize your dream to be a parent. To all of you that have  lost a child I tell you I love you and can understand. I wish you all the best and on this Day of Hope I honor all of our children.

Are You Prepared? Then Ready, Set, and Wait!!!!

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Sometimes to get the things you really want in life you have to fight like crazy for it. When the things that seem to come easy for others are an all out battle for you then need to have a plan. Infertility is not invincible but you need to be ready.

When you accept the news that you need medical help to become pregnant it can be a hard pill to swallow and for that very reason one of the first things you need to TRY to do is make sure your head is clear and you are moving forward with your efforts concisely and openly. To say the emotion of trying to have a child with a doctors help is stressful would be a huge understatement and feelings will run crazy from time to time. If you start an IVF cycle there will be shots, appointments, shots, appointments, information, oh yeah did I mention shots and appointments? You need to understand yourself well enough to know that if you can not keep a clear focused mind during your cycle that your partner needs to be involved and be the other set of ears. When you are in your appointments take a note pad and jot things down. The night before your appointments jot down any questions you may have. There may be cases in your cycle where you are treated by more than one doctor, nurse, or even pharmacist and not every professional gives you the same information in the same way so keeping track of things on paper this will help will allow your emotions to flow while keeping you on pace with the fertility treatments.

There is a common saying that says, “Perception is reality”. The meaning of this saying equates to “what you truly believe is true will be your reality” and it makes no difference if the rest of the world sees it differently. It is hard to not have sad, scared, or mad days during a cycle but if you can resist as much as possible to feel the negative this writer believes it can make a difference. After our child was born to IVF my wife often said that she felt cheated of the enjoyment of being pregnant because of all the fears she faced on a daily basis in her eight months of bed rest.  I fully understand that complaining about a successful IVF can sound offensive to the millions of couples still trying to conceive but the reason I mention it is like it or not if your cycle results in a child this cycle will be your pregnancy and your memory so do all you can to stay calm and happy. If possible find humor on the inane.  If you keep telling yourself it is not going to work  you may find it will not. I believe that my wife’s iron will and positive attitude made a big difference in our story.

Another key to a perfect ending is organization. You will have many things to keep straight during your cycle. Shots need to be done in regular intervals. Missing a shot can destroy a cycle. Do what ever works that helps you keep your meds straight. You can write out things on a calendar or program reminders in your cell phone. You are not only keeping track of intervals of shots but their dosages and sometimes needle gauges. Doctor appointments will pile up and if possible you should schedule appointments at times that give you a cushion to get to work on time. If you have to be at work at two and think you can squeeze in a 1PM appointment it could cause undo stress. If you make plans that occur during shot times make sure that you think ahead. We went to a rock concert and had to call ahead to the venue to make sure we could get our meds and needles in. The venue worked with us but had they not we would have missed the concert. Having anal organizational tendencies can be a plus in the infertility cycle world.

Try to have a sense of humor. On the surface, the activities you do during a cycle can sound crazy. It is hard but if you can laugh at yourself because it can help. The doctors drew targets on my wife’s butt to give  me guidance where to plunge the needle. I would make sound effects to distract my wife when giving her shots. My mother in law would tell me she was going to give her daughter and I time to “make baby”.  When I was at the doctor and had to “produce a sample” I noticed there was a CD player in the room. I had to see what kind of music the doctor would give a man to inspire him to “produce” and it was “Eye of The Tiger”…really? yes really.  Don’t forget I said you will have a will gambit of emotions so you may as well make humor one of them if possible. Infertility is the epitome of laughing so you don’t cry.

Are you one of those people who hears about some random disease on TV with a really random yet common symptom and you swear you are afflicted because you have the “butt itches on Thursday” symptom? If you are that type of person be careful what information you consume. Every man and woman has infertility in their own way and if you are susceptible  to paranoia you may not want to read every random blog or article on infertility. It could scare you to death and stress you out. If you are this type of person you may want to have a really small circle where you draw your information. I would consider keeping it to just your doctor and maybe a friend or two. This is only my opinion but there is a great bit of bad or misinformation out there.

Be open!!! If you have a spouse you are sharing this time with make sure they know what you are thinking. Some of us men are emotionally numb  and don’t always ask what you are thinking. Sometimes the man is carrying emotion he should be sharing with you. When the sun sets on the day it is you and your spouse against the world so to not be open with each other about this process is crazy. If you are not the paranoid type then read blogs of couples going through the process our blogs like mine where people made it through the process. Hearing others stories can have a calming effect on some people. knowing you are not alone makes a difference.

You can make it through the infertility challenge and you could be a parent. Do not give in but have a plan and be flexible with your plan. My family loves you and wishes you the best.