What Infertility Taught Me About Women



It is simple to have kids. It really is. Man and woman go out on romantic date. Man and woman get lost in each others eyes while drinking a nice Merlot and they forgo the movie after dinner for some private sexy time. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Nine months later you both have a mini-me. A little bundle. A little ‘un. A baby. There is nothing to it right? That use to be what I thought. I never once in my life considering having a baby would be hard. I had never known any one in my 30 odd years of life that had fertility issues and IVF was more likely to be on a Lifetime special for women than a real life issue one of my friends would have to deal with. I had seen commercials for the two local fertility clinics in my area but I gave them no thought.

When I was in my early to mid 30’s my wife and I tried to have a baby. Pregnancy didn’t happen right away but I figured that it would happened soon because I am a man and there is nothing that could prevent me from being a Daddy. Finally we got pregnant. It was time to celebrate and tell the world. A week later we lost the baby. After my wife caught her breath from dealing with our loss she said we might need to go to a fertility clinic for help. I was willing to do anything and I told my wife to just tell me the when’s and where’s and I would be there. I still thought that success was just around the corner. Nearly five years later, several IUI’s, an IVF attempt, two clinics, several doctors, numerous nurses, dozens of needles, bruises, a psychic named Sylvia Brown, multiple prayers, more miscarriages, and we threw in the towel. We were done. We were broken, not financially, but emotionally. A few months passed and my wife called me from an airport. She was on her way to visit her family when she had an epiphany that she wanted to try again. She gave me little choice in the matter and I fell in line with her wishes. We did one more IVF. Before the egg extraction my the doctor told us we had well over twenty eggs, if not more. I don’t remember the exact number anymore. When we went in for the extraction there was a complication and we only got a couple of eggs. By the time they did the implant we had exactly two eggs, low odds for success. The eggs were implanted and she became pregnant. A few weeks I got a call from my wife and she was cramping and bleeding. The doctor told her to lay in bed and come to the clinic the next day. Every indication pointed toward another miscarriage. The next day we went in to get the bad news. We were stunned at the appointment because it would be the first time we saw our babies heartbeat. My wife had a sub-chorianic bleed. She spent nearly eight months on bedrest and when it was all said and done we had a beautiful little girl. She is three today.

Infertility struggles can destroy couples. The stress of the aurdous journey can lead to divorce. They can make both couples doubt themselves, each other, and their relationship. Infertility struggles made me se my wife as a warrior. She fought for the joy of becoming a parent. She overcame incredible self doubt to have a baby with me. She wanted a baby but she kept fighting more for me than her. I was ready to quit many times because I could not see her hurt the way she was. I could not see her beat herself up. She saw over all that and became not only my only love but my hero. Men are not stronger than women, no way, no how. Women are amazing. My wife is beautiful and amazing. We were lucky and I know it. I would have loved her with or without our daughter. I still right on the subject because it had such a profound affect on me. Infertility struggles solidified our relationship. I wish you all the luck and never forget to love each other.



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